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Remaking JAWS: How to cast for a remake that no one wants (including me)

There are always going to be remakes of beloved classics it seems. It’s an unfortunate truth of filmmaking over the last thirty years that, despite a few original stories and ideas being lucky enough to get funded and procured, most films that aren’t a sequel, prequel, or a remake often get left in the dust. Hollywood is more than content to recycle what’s worked in the past, but with a few inert changes to the core of what came before. Thus, while I have no interest in a remake of one of my favorite films of all time- there may well come a time when Universal Studios decides to forge ahead on a remake of “Jaws”, so it got me thinking; who would I cast in a remake of one of the most beloved movies of the last forty-five years? I believe there are four major players of the story that would need the most focus, obviously competent and well considered actors would fill out the sides of this ensemble cast, but I am mostly concerned with the Mayor of Amity Island, Chief Brody, Hooper the Oceanographer, and the old man of the sea himself, Quint.

Brody- Jason Bateman

Over the last decade Jason Bateman has turned his cheeky everyman persona into a more beaten down everyman who’s willing to break the rules, like the one he’s recently portrayed in Netflix’s crime drama series, “The Ozarks”. Bateman’s dramatic chops have evolved a bit since his more comedic turns in shows and movies like “Game Night”, “Arrested Development”, and the two “Horrible Bosses” flicks. I think he has the potential to portray newly appointed Police Chief Brody with the pathos and empathy required to establish Brody as a man trying to keep his community, and new home, safe and free from harm. Besides, I think Bateman would work well between the opposing forces of ocean nerd Hooper, and the old sea-dog Quint.

Hooper- LaKeith Stanfield

LaKeith Stanfield has just the right amount of fire to bring Hooper’s upper middle class antics and scientific sarcasm to the team. My choice stems mostly from his performance in “Sorry to Bother You” in which LaKeith portrays Cassius Green, a young phone bank caller who rides the corporate escalator after using his ‘white voice’ to soothe potential white customers on the other end of the line. That performance, particularly the latter half, has the ingredients that could fuel a fiery Hooper that argues with every character at some point about the science at hand. I believe LaKeith could bring a unique perspective to the character while staying true to the core of who Hooper is.

Quint- Willem Dafoe

Maybe it’s just because I love “The Lighthouse” by Robert Eggers, or purely out of adoration for the old Wickie in that wild ride of a movie, but I believe Willem Dafoe could steal every scene of a “Jaws” remake with him as Quint. Dafoe’s ability to chew scenery and deliver monologue like there’s no tomorrow would be absolutely perfect for this role. The man can contort his expressive face in a myriad of ways, and I’ve seen Dafoe portray admirable characters, heinous villains, charismatic hams, and inquisitive detectives. There’s no question (in my mind at least) that if a remake were to happen anytime in the near future, Willem Dafoe would be the perfect Quint for the job. I can practically hear him singing now… “Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain…”

Mayor Vaughn- Alec Baldwin

I can’t think of anyone better to portray a local politician that denies reality for monetary gain more so than Alec Baldwin. Just a quick note, this is not due to his recent portrayals of Donald Trump who also chose to deny reality to keep money flowing over the health of his constituents- that improv character is simply too silly for a role like this. No, Alec Baldwin’s inclusion here is due to character work like his C.I.A. and I.M.F. chief Alan Hunley in the two most recent Mission Impossible movies, or his role as Captain Ellerby in “The Departed” as two examples. More over, Baldwin has the arrogant bravado and overly confident nature that a character like the Mayor of Amity Island needs. Besides, he would get to deliver the line “Martin, it’s all psychological. You yell barracuda, everybody says, ‘Huh? What?’ You yell shark, well, then we’ve got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.” Personally, I can think of no actor that could embody this role more snugly than Alec Baldwin.

There you have it! There’s a lot of consideration that would have to go into a proper remake of “Jaws” if there was ever going to be one, but those four characters are the most important part of the film if you ask me. Of course who’s directing the remake, who the cinematographer will be, who’s scoring it if John Williams isn’t available or uninterested in the project- all of these aspects and more would weigh heavily on the production and the quality of this theoretical film if it came to pass. I sincerely hope no one attempts to remake this film however, I highly encourage new creative endeavors instead. If “Jaws” has inspired you, take that inspiration and use it to fuel your new project. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up writing the next big creature feature that someone else will be writing about twenty years from now. The future is out there.

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Casting “Justice League Dark”

Now that we know Doug Liman will be directing DC’s ‘Justice League Dark’ after Guillermo Del Toro departed from the production we can have some fun with casting the team. Also credit due to the popular youtube channnel ScreenJunkies for inspiring my own interpretation of this movie’s cast. Justice League Dark is a particularly fun comic dealing with, as the title implies, the darker side of the DCEU with the inclusion of possesion, demons, and the occasional trip to heaven and/or hell. This is the down and dirty side of DC that Batman, Superman, and Flash may dip their toes in from time to time, but are usually too busy defending the earth from galactic sized problems to deal with. Sometimes you just need a rag tag group of rejects that happen to be well versed in the dark arts.

Ryan Gosling as John Constantine

Okay, hear me out. Ryan Gosling has done an impeccable job removing himself from any rom/com stigma he may have had lingering around within the last five years and made quite the household name for himself. His range in acting ability is pretty incredible and since he seems so darn likeable in most pieces I believe Constantine would provide him with a unique acting challenge as the character is usually steeped in snarky cynical quips, self loathing tirades, or generally being disliked for his arrogant and selfish antihero antics.

Jackie Earle Haley as Boston Brand/Deadman

Not since Rorschach has there been a character more fitting for Jackie Earle Haley. Deadman is a ghost or spirit having the ability to possess others’ bodies amongst other tricks such as intangibility, invisibility, and flight. In his human life he was affluence and sin personified, he didn’t learn how to live until he died. Given these ghostly abilites by a hindu god named ‘Rama Kushna’ Brand had to solve his own murder and then went out to help mortals avoid the same mistakes he made in life. Stoic expressionism and the ability to express dry humor are both talents that Haley has in the bag and I believe he’d bring a unique edge to a character that still wants to hold onto the belief that he remains part of humanity.

Mahershala Ali as Dr. Alec Holland/Swamp Thing

With Netflix’s own ‘House of Cards’ and the upcoming ‘Luke Cage’ series Ali has shown great skill and flexibility in character work. I believe he could bring a compelling performance to the human nature of Swamp Thing because while Swamp Thing is nature bound, there is a human within the green figure that has to be pulled from. Swamp Thing is quite the compelling character in his own right and should receive an actor ready to take on the challenge that this character brings, Ali can do that and more.

Viggo Mortensen as Jason Blood/Etrigan the Demon

Jason Blood was originally a knight in King Arthur’s camelot that gets wrapped up in the supernatural as he becomes bound to Etrigan, a demon from hell that was summoned by Merlin. After Merlin, who by the way is half brothers with Etrigan, summons this demon and finds he cannot pull secrets from him the wizard binds him to the knight, making Jason Blood immortal. Years later Blood resurfaces as a demonologist in Gotham. Blood attempts to utilize his infernal power for good as Etrigan’s power is impressive for DC’s standards. Mortensen would likely have no interest in the part, but with the character’s background as a knight plagued by a demon’s transformative power, it would be fun seeing Viggo in chainmail again in flashbacks. That and this guy really gets into his character motivation and knows how to make this sort of character memorable.

Aubrey Plaza as Zatanna

Genetically gifted as a master sorceress by her father Zatanna is one of DC’s most powerful magic users who moonlights as an illusionist, just as her father did. Zatanna has a lot to give as a member of the occult oriented team and Aubrey Plaza has the wit and charm necessary for this role, I’d love to see what she could do with the material. She’s more than simply a romantic interest for the other characters (although she did have several romantic outings with both Constantine and Jason Blood throughout the comics continuity), Zatanna is incredibly powerful. Here’s a list of her abilities: pyrokinesis, cryokinesis, electrokinesis, hyrdokinesis, geokinesis, aerokinesis, photokinesis, umbrakinesis, telekinesis, telepathy, teleportation, dimensional travel, reality alteration, antipathy, deflection, chronokinesis, weather manipulation, eldritch blast, energy construct creation, energy transference, flight, force field, healing, phasing, size alteration, transformation, prestidigitation, hypnosis, advanced hand to hand combat, occultism, and multilingualism… whew, yeah, this should be a fun character with lots of potential!

So there you have it, sometimes the JLD has a different looking roster from time to time, occasionally including Frankenstein (yes the Frankenstein), but this is the current cast of characters that are believed to be in the movie. Lets all hope Warner Bros. and DC figure out what not to do since ‘Suicide Squad’ already acomplished that for most audiences, because this team up has the potential to do something special. I hope this all works out in the end, nobody enjoys talking about DCEU movies in a negative light, well, at least I don’t, I want these movies to be great! Agree with my choices? Have your own roster of actors for this movie? Comment below and let me know! Thanks for reading!